Understanding High-Masking Kids and the After-School Regulation Crash

School is neurologically demanding.

Even when a child is not struggling academically, they may be navigating:

• Constant social interpretation
• Noise and sensory input
• Performance pressure
• Transitions every 30–60 minutes
• Unwritten social rules
• Suppressing stimming or movement
• Trying very hard to “be good”

For some kids, especially autistic and ADHD children, this effort includes something called masking.

Self-Assessment

Does your child:

• Seem “fine” at school but explosive at home?
• Avoid asking for help in class?
• Come home physically tense or rigid?
• Say things like “I’m weird” or “I have to act normal”?
• Collapse after social events?

If so, you might be parenting a high-masking child.

my coping skills Menu for After School

Instead of moving straight into homework or expectations, consider offering a coping skills menu something your child or teen can choose from.

Choice restores agency and designing your own menu helps facilitate that.

Below is a menu template designed by Gabi, and here are some ideas for common regulation activities that kids and teens might include (make sure to let them come up with their own, though!)

Heavy Work

• Wall push-ups
• Carrying groceries
• Animal walks
• Jumping on a mini trampoline
• Pulling a loaded laundry basket

Quiet Reset

• Headphones + 10 minutes alone
• Audiobook time
• Drawing
• Lying on the floor with a weighted blanket
• Sitting outside

Connection

• Five minutes of undivided attention
• A shared snack
• Back rub or brushing hair
• A short walk together
• Playing one round of a simple game

Thanks to all who attended this month's support group for Parents of Autistic Kids! Hope to see folks again for next month! Learn more here if you're interested in coming. ​

resource Highlight! For parents wanting deeper understanding around autism, masking, and neurodivergence, we often point families toward: 👉 Embrace Autism​ A research-informed, neuroaffirming educational resource created by autistic clinicians. Their materials on masking, late identification, and internalized stress are especially helpful for parents of thoughtful, high-achieving kids who may not fit stereotypes.

See you next month!

Warmly,

Rebekah and The Real Work Collective

PS: Groups & Community Updates

• ​Autism Parent Support Group – A space for connection, strategy, and shared experience. 2nd Monday of every month, 6:30 PM to 7:30 PM, at 4775 SW Watson Ave, Beaverton
• ​Special Interest Groups – 2nd Sunday of every month. Built around kids’ authentic passions and social safety.
• ​Drama Therapy Group (Ages 5–7) – Starting March 1. Creative expression meets regulation support.
• ​Nature-Based Groups – Begin March and April. Get your child movement, sensory input, and relational growth outdoors.

Current therapy openings

We have a handful of openings across our team right now, including:

• Therapy for teens with Mick
• Adult therapy focused on family-of-origin stressors showing up in parenting
• Play-based therapy for kids ages 3–10
• Parent support and coaching for families navigating ADHD or autism
• Telehealth spots for adults, teens, and parents
• Hiking therapy sessions for parents who want support while moving outdoors

If you’re curious whether one of these could be a fit, we’re happy to talk it through. Just reply to this email!